The Nervous Appointment for starting a resolution

 So, with things getting intense and busy in work and finally comes to get a bit quieter but actually what was going to happen was the fact that 2 weeks ago, there started to be things appearing and also it means it has to be a chapter to finally start getting things sorted. 

So with that appearing, it means it's going to face challenges and also time to see if this is going to be the end of me or if it's just something natural and ask questions on that and also with issues that have been ongoing for years and maybe going to finally be resolved or at least checked from the new year's resolution back in January. 

The planning. 

Since it was only just an online form to sort out to finally see when this little lump was apparent being felt on what I thought was the testicles with the mini lump and it does cause the risk of cancer but also there has been some more burning and also it means things could get worse if not checked. So I filled out the form on the previous Friday (1 week ago if reading this on the 29/04/2022). 

Then from insomnia that made me wake up at the 6am mark and struggle to sleep.  it was a chance to get a call on Monday and well this is where discussing with a trainee GP for this and well the form I did mention the phimosis since it could be related. But that day was MEANT to be filming a vlog in a quiet area but from 3 visits turned into 5 and then it was time to finish at 8pm, leaving from 9:50am too.

today was one of those days i woke up earlier than usual and also getting a video ready and filmed today to maybe shed light on the past to 3 months without filming

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) April 25, 2022

Also a GP appointment for down there has been booked but its not exactly the same reason, but small lumps apparently can be serious

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) April 25, 2022

But that was also the time that I had to cycle from one end of the area to another, aka chillaton to Gunnislake and then from there back to Tavi and then back home. 

The workout in the mid-afternoon 

The visits were long in some ways and close to then dealing with work for the rest of the week/ 

The Day before. 

So this was another day of work with various customers and more to sort out and well it makes it that little bit of a tough pack and more nerves in the inside regarding what was happening, Now there was a visit planned after work which was going to get me some time to finally vlog and explain the potentials of what was going to be the how to explain the past few months from the failed dates and the overspending on Alice and the failed virtual date,. Well, the lump and what the outcome of that might be. It was nice to finally get to the bottom of the past and get new videos created, well so I thought. 

A selfie via an iPhone X front camera with screen film 

Standing up before filming 

Eventually, after some kids passing, some sheep on the patch and even more runners by, It was time to cycle back to lidl to get some shopping as I always do best. Which it was the first of being into lidl with some small deals and using a few of the lidl plus deals. 

The bits from lidl about £7.59 

Then it was a case of going to Tesco for some more of the sauce mixes and other Clubcard offers which ended up being paid for in cash on that side of things, my mind was still a bit relieved from filming but also nervous about what the appointment will hold. 

The sauces and mixes 

Then it was a nice cycle up the hills to then get home and greet parents and then it was to have nice leftover food which also gives it that vibe of late combinations. This also was  the last of the lush biscoff spread for like £2 in co-op last week too. 

The tea on Wednesday 

But it then means it to catch up with either filming to potentially edit and actually it was a case of a bath then time to get things planned and the scare of what was to happen in one way or another.  But then it came to researching and crashing out after watching DuckTales, with a recent vibe of binge-watching Disney + for the evenings and that has been a lot in the past 2 months for sure.  But then it was the day of the appointment.

The Appointment Day: 

A normal sort of day at work 

So, waking up at around the 8:30am time and I was planning to be getting going since of the worry of there was a delivery to sort out and they only come between 8am and 9am. But we then go to the plan of getting to work and then time to check on this  PC that had to be a case from an XPS 8900 with the faulty power button.  But then it was more things and at the end of the day it was going to be stock taking as well as starting to finish off some repairs with an iPhone. 

The Appointment. 

So it was 17:40 and I was now getting over to the GP and it was really scary in a way being the ONLY person in there customer or patient wise. like it was going to be just me and well I got told to go upstairs form the receptionist which I've not been up here or let alone in the Surgery since the chance of the second jab back in December. But It was then time to go to a toilet after waiting a couple of minutes. Then it was time to sit down and discuss about things. 

So first it comes to being told that it was not on the testicle but on the epididymis tube was having a cis on it. 

Well it's the me for the appointment Aland I'm nervous and shaking yet again , legs are always doing this in the past few months

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) April 28, 2022

The empty waiting room 

Then as i got out the doctor was by the room doors, then I walked in with her and we sat down quickly for a chat while she got a assistant out before I got changed, and then it was a bit of a scary factor when she had gloves on with going to touch but then she asked to see the lump and then she felt it and told me its not on the testicle but the tube below it, so then I got changed with the belt and then took a seat and we discusses some bits. But she mentioned it was not cancerous, but good to go and check on those things. 

So this turns out to be a case of well we did a discussion about the phimosis and well it lead to some talk about my life such as some of the concerns  such as the bacteria that might form, the size of it and also the fact I struggle to touch it properly such as even with condoms or struggling with that side of getting it sorted. Then it was mentioning about fainting and passing out back in the days of sex education lessons and i mentioned to her about going back to basics on the lessons like that. 

So she also brought up about asking If I've had relationships yet or sex and well asking like "Have you found someone you like" plus some other questions  and i went in some of the past relationships as far as i feel I've had which others just say its one way crush or not really a relationship. 

which then she asked me about being neurodivergent which ok in the past people have been thinking I'm part of that, but there was a questions and some past experiences of the tone changing in relationships with people that Think I was and she did mention that things are better but she just said she'll send me a text at the end of the appointment. 

But then it was a bit of the chance she wanted to have a closed look and she asked me to try to stretch it which i do as the way I usually do it and then she tried but it was getting a  bit uncomfortable so then I got changed and then we wrapped it up on the conclusion side. So she suggested things like the Steroid cream as well as I mentioned the table salt and she said "I've not heard of that one before" so maybe I've got to listen to that conversation with the nurse. But she also did start the referral for the urologist for the reassurance on the penis. Plus there was the psychosexual therapy with talkworks but both of those will be months ahead but at least there is the plan of this to be sorted. 

But then it comes to the part of leaving and thanking her then It was a shaky walk to the pharmacy to then see if the prescription was there and after a but of muttering, it was there and being asked about if i pay and I had to ask about that but ended up meaning I do so it was £9.35 for the steroid cream. 

The prescription 

Then I was trying to film a bit on it and then it was to a customer's house. 

The evening. 

So,. it was then a time to run to the next customer to visit so yes it was still working but then it was a catch up and chatter in some ways  but it was then time to leave after passwords resets and then time to get home and it was hard to run home, it felt shaky but also a relief that a chapter might finally happen.  But then it was time to have some time to reflect on this while walking home. But then it was a nice honey mustard sort of chicken with some bao buns as well. 

 

The meal from the Thursday night

so there we have it, the end of the day and a big chapter in some ways but other things have been on the mind and it can make it tough choices for it. But it means vlogs might be on there horizon and yes there is the vlog from the Wednesday to sort too. 

But for now its time to head to bed and work for another day which the Friday was then quiet to reflect more on things like the love school or even just talkworks but that will be for another time. 

omracer 

The Doctor to Visit

Well, this s overdue but with the recent events in my life it might be important to get checked, especially after s suggested it and really Gracie did as well since we last met, you know it's been over a year since I kissed a girl, but today has been hectic. Oh and o might of booked a weekend away with a cute Welsh feedee in January so go me and she not fake to say the least and single so this will be fun, this appointment will help or make no difference at all, we will see.


No vlog since this really suits the vlog but I will catch up with you soon.

The day

A hetic day indeed, with things being busy in work like consoles no being arrived and also customer being moody, but I did manage to sort out a few jobs and black Friday weekend was popular indeed. But it was soon to be the time of 4:50 and just as I get things ready, I get held up with a customer, but with an issue about emails and another about birthday presents and Fortnite. Also an order came in which was part of my mums Present and stock for the shop.

But I managed to run to the surgery by 4:58 and it was pretty crowded, so I was lucky to find the appointment was late so I wasn't too far off.

The appointment waiting

So, radio 2 on in the surgery, I sat down and typed this up while waiting for an appointment, I was bursting for a toilet so went before my name is called, rushing to go and wash my hands and luckily it wasn't a massive wait to see if I might of left it too late for the penis, well in this case it might of, since maybe the burn when I run to work after a fap is getting more common and sometimes when I pee as well. But that and i need to really sort it out since a 25 year old virgin needs to be well sorted.

But it wasn't until 17:25 ish that I was in and ready to face this, but with doctors, I wasn't in until 17:37, but at least no one booked me on work tonight. But Dr Ross was maybe going to see what the next stage is, but kids crying and one puking, well that delayed it to nearly an hour later with 17:45 but maybe I should of really paid the £110 for 10 minutes in Nuffield. The phone battery was on 2% and hopefully I could sort this out. Eventually it was 17:55 and he called out my name.

The talk

So, we walk in and introduces himself, very casual to be honest which is good, but he was a new GP since i've not been there for 6 years almost. But anyway, I explained the situation and then he decided to say to have a look, which is fine. I got on the table and took my trousers down, laid on the bed and he got his gloves on and just before he was about to touch, i jumped back, he was okay about that since he could obviously see i was sensitive about it, so then he asked me to show him via using my own hands and i said i was nervous about touching it, but he did confirm i have phimosis. Which i know, and so i said about Gracie and S that said about me needing to get it checked and he said its actually a variant of normal since people have 3 types. 

• Fully shelled which means it won't pull back ( I have this)
• half in half out so it partly pulls (the most risky)
• it pulls back easily

So with that, he said that it actually is more riskier to have the operation/circumcision and also no cream or ointment will help me pull it back as its that tight, but it does not stop me from having normal sex at all, so physically it means i'm ready for sex. 

Then he went on and said about the stings and sensations are still natural and most people have been in to check if its natural and healthy, which they were. He was also confident about saying he's looks at alot of willy's and also said alot on how my confidence was with it, but didn't really say much about how to fix that but did say how my expectations were based on what everyone else has told me which I get but with S and Gracie both being experienced, i would really think its fair to listen to them too but from today, its helped me know i'm ready. 

So he was pretty much easy to deal with and said if you still feel you need a bit of help or any worse pains, then visit him but it won't be painful to help me lose my virginity. And it was then finished and we shook hands before I left. Even though I know i need to know things like how to put a condom on and what to move around, as far as i physically know, I'm ready for sex so. it leaves only 2 goals up for this year. 

The new years resolution done

The evening to reflect

Just telling myself what i heard should now of helped, my battery died on my phone i will admit i was relieved a bit, well think on it, which has made me feel a bit better, so maybe i might lose my virginity next year from what plans have happened. But I got home by about 6:30 and then it was to catch up with parents and check E-mails before having a nice bit of Gammon and Chips along with extras before finishing that off while watching ghost whisperer. 

For tonight. gammon, sweet potato chips, crisps, bread roll, mustard and salad cream

And thats it, well its not much happened this year but more will be reveal in the review of the year which I will start next week, Dickensian will be good too, but we will see what happens.

omracer


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