An Anxious Start to 2022

 Already things feel like 2022 is going off to a bad start and this also leads to maybe the resolutions being different to see if there have been a good chance of completing some of them since I know that has not been the case but at least I tried. But this goes over the next 3 days before the first week which is supposed "supposed" to be a week but what will happen I do not know. but this then leads to more of things I do not know. Especially now things are feeling back to before 2019 in some ways and 2021 in others. 

But there is no music  video from 2021, things came at me 2 fast and to be honest , it was like the last hour of the year with Both the parts of the review of the year have been uploaded. 

New Years Day: 

So it was the final minutes of 2021, and I had to finish uploading some of the pics from before christmas due to not uploading pics from the 23rd and being delayed on that due to trying to rush up the posts and then post the new years and it was one comment I might of said that had my dad tell me to "go fuckmyself then mate" when i was edgy and he asked me who i was texting when I said "I don't trust you", he then went off and we watched the LED display on BBC one. 

The Big Ben for it 

Now from this fallout it put me even more on nerves since with the next few days and what could transpire it felt like this was going to make it worse and texting someone to say happy new year is important even though no reply. But this was also the tense moment of that while deciding if i have the energy to get the music video editing, which I did not in the end. This maybe was a mistake and maybe it was a case to then text another friend and we chatted about things and well, the truth was told and she did give some advice which later on I would end up knowing I've got to do.  

Eventually I woke up with the alarm at 8am which made it a bit easier and stress was still on my mind and then trying to chat in FF and it just feel the same as years of chasing people that maybe do not exist, and well i ended up doing something I will end up maybe saying is the first regret of the year. Signing back up to Feabie. Now there was actually a complication which Still keeps me in a better chance of not regretting but that was to be getting the phone number verified and well, there was no text that got sent, even hours later it did not arrive, and it was not just on one number but another. So that means maybe I will have to ignore that. 

Then I got up and it was time to have a bit of breakfast of a nice toasted chroizo and chocco nusaa sandwich which is to keep me energy going, as well  as getting the chance to upgrade my steambox to have 8GB of ram from a discount i gave a customer for fitting a motherboard to a new case in exchange for that stick. Then it was a walk with mum in the field for how things are and we talked about dad and last night and i think he's concerned about me still being able to survive on the single jab and it made me even more nerves for what was about to happen later on.

The Stick of Vengeance ram

The Chocco nussa and Chorizo sandwich 

But this is when things get tense as I import some footage to the macos side of things,  and then a call comes out regarding neighbours of grandparents and then it was a massive argument about them coming with me to get the jab and especially as I panicked from being in the GP in less than 3 days ago and also the chance that Home Park is not offering it for the Tuesday, it means it might have to be that pharmacy nearby i booked, I mean why the FUCK can't  this be offered in a PHARMACY which is less than 5 MILES away which there are some JABS being done in RESTAURANTS for convenience. But this makes me shakey for most of the day and even when texting after this and was also the change of me to finally get changed to then go and see grandparents which I finally emailed the NHS contact i was last with back in August to book this to finally sort out the penis and well it has lead to other anxieties starting to grow on me for this side. 

 

But with that Email sent with a lot of spelling mistakes, it was the time to go to nans and I was still shaking from earlier. it was not going to go away and still lingers for the rest of the day, but we get there and unload the roast before it was chatting and time to get it dished up. It was a nice roast turkey with some bacon wrapping and the potatoes as well. I was a bit less on edge while eating this.

This year is looking like a stressful start and anxiety is going through the roof. Keeping focus is going to be tough

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) January 1, 2022

The food in the towels while being wrapped up 

The Roast turkey with the extras  as well 

Then it was time to do some chores and get things like the plates cleaned, the bird table was filled up with bread while dad building another bird feeder and then it was then time to clean the windows which had seagul poo at various parts, but eventually it was time to get the Portal re-checked which for some reasons did not mention as to why it did not work out. But with a few calls later, it was sorted and ready to work but his number was not in service either.  But eventually we got home , the  shakes were kicking in a tiny bit and as we walked Rosie, only just to the railway line. But  then it makes 

my time to realise things were going to be worse and more rough. But with that doe, it was time to relax and type this up while worrying about the next week at least. But it was some nice leftovers such as chicken pie with nachos and even some chorizo too. 

Some of the leftovers for the tea on new year

But then it was taking my mind off things, still waiting for a text to get a code and also typing this post up while watching TV with parents, as well as the typing up of this post while watching FNAF videos, and sometimes it is a fucked up horror affair for it. 

Typing the posts up and watching videos and TV at the same time 

It was only 2 days left until things were going to fel scary but it will be the first night I did not have to rush to type things up and did not have to do things overnight, that will be back to normal next week ocne feeling better maybe. But then it was on to another day.

The second of Jan:

Well this was a long night, from chatting  until about 1am online to sonome with a 32x cup apparently and crashing out from 2:37 after finally turning an old phone odd. to then wake up and try to fap until 10:30 am it was feeling of whether things felt real or would ever happen and it just delays how long I last for or if i just give up and wake up, Now  this I do know its carrying on from last year but more so now that ties have been split from something special that was shared, but alas moving on is going to be hard, but in this luck, we all woke up late so that did not cause any rush or disaster, but this meant having to have a late breakfast of another smoothie as well as a plain old chooco nussa toasted sandwich, no meat this time. Plug being tagged in a bitchy group about PS4 repairs means someone is not going to listen and that means more stress for this week. Plus it was also a chance to have a 

The Fruit smoothie for the morning

Then it was a suggestion that mum wanted a bath in the morning, and with my anxiety still kicking in, it was time to just take it easy with things, so we did, especially as the rain was pouring down and make the things just less chance to deal with the outside world right now since It was going to be scary and even at various points today, it felt like it could go at a wrong turn .But then I was time to get a walk with Rosie sorted and was going to vlog but the rain and the wind was coming up, so not ideal to get it done, and realizing that not many of the resolutions from 2021 are completely failed in most cases. Maybe this is still me having to mull it over to find the next plan out. 

Eventually I got back about 11:30 and it was time to finally have the bath and maybe question on what the next plans would be for this year and I'm still nervy about it, I still have a few days left to think on this. But one hour or more later, I was out of the bath to the get some of the toenails clipped or cut for a small part to make sure they do not dig in for the next day of work on the Bank Holiday monday. But then it was more waiting for a text from feabie but no change and then debating to try out bumble to see iif that was going to work around but I think its not right just yet, but then it was time to have some chicken noodle soup for lunch. 

The soup and the extra

Then it was soon time to get changed to go for a shop for bits in Tesco and Lidl, this was a nice shop from some bits, the vlogging kits were still there, but other parts were there, even a 50" TV, But then it was to go to tesco  to get some more bits which were like a bowl, some snacks and even struggling to fine what rum looks like to then put in the mix with lime and mint cordial from robinsons. But then it was time to go home about the 4pm mark as places were going to close. #

We got home then unpacked and it was time to relax and typing up this blogpost which then it was time to have tea while edward scissorhands is on TV, very corny for a 1950s aesthetic tale, but the hoisin duck with the pancake wraps as well as the beef brisket works really well. The potato sticks from tesco is not as good as the ones from lidl since of the sour cream and chive. 

The wraps as well as the sticks and the salad 

But then it was time to relax and finish off some FNAF watching while watching big on TV too, plus gets to the point of hoping for something to change or maybe things to be less worrying, but it does make it  preparing for what was to come. But then it was to hopefully see and tweet the pics from the things before going back to work, I did try to charge the bike battery and found out the Back brad Pads have worn so it mans it will be harder to go down hills without crashing. 

The 3rd January: 

So after fapping and sleeping until this morning at around the 9am mark. then getting up at 9:15am to then get changed and ready for work by 9:30, since I was to have 4 visits, my nerves were kicking in a bit for what was to come today and it does not help when the bike's battery was not charging, But then I was off and on to my route. First it was to get to Ottery to sort out a car charger, then greeting a brother for the customer and then it was on my way to the next route. 

That was to another regular and learning on MS accounts, USB Drives and even 2FA/2FV then it was time to carry on, my nerves were starting to kick in a bit more for the next day ahead, but they said I would be ok with the PFizer vaccine so maybe it is the case. But then a customer text me and it was the next visit to be sorted, like seriously back to more visits, it was more to plan out and well little did i Know it was going to be another 4 left, I thought it would have been 2. 

Eventually I got to the next one in the middle of tavistock, and that was on a basis of the kindle to check on the books. So it was nearing 1:30 and time to cycle to work, I did pop by the GP and then got asked about if the pharmacy was open  and it was not. So I decided to carry on to go to the shop to get some things up. Such as well the  chance to finally get to sign up for feabie and, I have this feeling I did finally start to repeat  of chasing people that would either not exist or just stand me up for reasons beyond control or something like an excuse, but that I'll have to gamble with and see what happens. But  well It did work and I was online. But this is where checking things and guessing I was going to repeat the past. Plus the Sign was battered when left outside.

The scratch at the top in just 2 days of leaving it there. 

Eventually after that and some Stock paying in. HMRC paid and also some supplier Bills paid, it was time to eventually leave and get some bits in the rucksack since it was the last time to be in there hopefully this week then heading out to sort out the final what was supposed to be 2 visits, but leading to 3 visits. Even with the Bike battery still cutting out, but then a nice warm hour or so past and it was time to hed back to the last 2 visits, But as I cycled and still be cold and nervous, I was shocked to find the battery slammed out onto the road and Then I stopped and fitted it back to then cycle to the next route. 

Tben it was a few minutes later and I was going to the next visit, So that caused me to sort out some Chromecast issues but most of them were sorted in the end. Then it was fresh out  to the final visit, I'm still shaking and then after getting a slam out of the bike battery stopping. I got to the last customer's in the dark and got some of the iPad organised. Eventually it was nearling 8pm and 6 visits done. 

I got home, shaking even more and then time to talk to family and they were asking about plans tomorow on how or where they would be taking me for the second jab, since Home park was closed of all days for the Tuesday and Also mum "I know you have anxiety but you have to get it done" and it just feels a bit crippling and then it was time to have some leftover casserole for dinner. With honey puffs for that sweeter taste and horseradish just goes through my nose really. 

The Ham with casserole and kale with the extras 

But then it was browsing sites and also still having to do work like source triple monitor setups for a laptop and also then to watch some LTT video on some case. But then it was time for a bath and I got out by about the 22:25 mark which I was shaking, not from the cold as much as the temperate was lower, but it was the challenges of what could happen from tomorrow and what my feelings and emotions are going to freeze since my dad is not the best at understanding feelings of most people which explains why maybe sometimes I do not get on eye to eye or mention things like not trusting him, But then it was finishing off the show of Stay Close and the ending is that twist of the manager being the killer. 

But then it was gong to bed and finishing this to be typed up before the big day, With the plans to get a vlog sorted as well as the chance to think of some of the goals from the reflection of the first week of 2022 being an anxious mess that knows the bad stress of memories might come back. I really don't know, even if it is chatting to potential fakes on FF and no messages as of yet on Feabie. 

The 4th day  - Vaccination

So, we struggle to get up from the alarm going off until  10:15am, I was shaking a little in bed and even with a phone calls even while trying to fap to de-stress but this feeling of worry was really on, I managed to get out of bed but still shaking and then to get changed and walk the dog, Which I could hear the wind from the bedroom, But then it was time to walk her, I was shaking to still try to get changed and then get her out for some playing ball on the field. And even as I was walking, I was still shaking and feeling like things are going to be the tough choices to make in the future and how even this will feel. 

Rosie while walking 

Then It was more chaos as the wind was going up, the time  was to panic was not yet but Edge was about the word, it did not help with the strong wind and the fact rosie was deciding to do what she wanted and run away with the ball. But it was the end of the walk since it was nearing 11am. Especially as this other dog decided to sniff and Rosie was not happy, so it was on the lead. Especially as the postman was around the corner was the postman. 

But then it was checking E-mails and even having a voicemail already to deal with but those will be for tomorrow, since my legs were shaking more and eventually mum arrived from work and I had to wobble my legs to get to the car, feeling numb and looking down  and i could not stop shaking the entire drive to mutley aka Hyde Park.

Trembling in the morning and even shaking as I walk and type this, things are not looking good today. Then again 5 months between jabs should be safer ...

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) January 4, 2022

But then it was time to get out of the car and there was me struggling to walk to the door, and there was like a queue and actually a rep came out shouting anyone for the covid vaccine and I froze, but mum shouted that we were but I was really struggling to walk in there and nearly fell. But then I was walked into a room and then just about to panic but I sat down and still shaking and mum was shouting at me to calm down and then it a bt f a struggle to get the jumper off before  she did get the jab in on my right arm (aka left if facing me, right if looking at it. But then it was done and i'm still shaking and nearly fell out of the door and then made my way to the car and then it was a drive back home, well almost. 

Jab is done but still shaking the entire way back and even as I'm home

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) January 4, 2022

We then had to drop mum back but I was still shaking for most of the way home  and then we go to the pasty house while mum got some pasties and dropped off them, But I got a whatsapp which did make me have to focus on it and think over what to say especially While still feeling shakey. But then dad came back in and we drove home. 

From that I was still a bit uneasy and then checked the laptop and it was  time to remember Emails to reply to and still more voicemails that I have to, but eventually I had to sort out the pasty i was given for lunch and something else easy going like a chicken stock tomato soup and adding the pasta in that too. 

The lunch

As I was eating this slowly and took longer than usual since i still felt uneasy and also using water to help detox me in this feeling of making sure I don't trigger off any ills and even while washing this up later on I was feeling that little bit more shit or on edge. 

Then it was to relax and just start to type this up but even that was tricky when calls from work and e-mails was appearing so it was going to build up a backlog for the end of the week or when I have the energy to finally deal with it, I mean if It gets that fucking Bad, I'll have to work all weekend to catchup due to this demand. Especially while browsing feabie and it brings memories of some time wasters and those that you question if its going to be just a stand up or stood up again, Not missing that reality for the past 2 years almost is a good thing, (well 1 year 11 months), and maybe that is another part of the anxiety. 

But later on after it was another dogwalk and it made me almost cry since of what the future becomes but then the wind was coming back and it was time to carry on with the fire I put on from earlier and then it was time to type this up while watching videos. But eventually it was time to carry on and it was a nice chance to have some Paella as well as chups and it worked nicely in a wrap. 

But then that was mostly the end of the day, it was time to chill out, watching films and typing up and still wondering on the choices i've got to make for the resolutions this week. Plus a video needs to be done and even online work too. 

And then it the final day covered on this post since things do have to end somewhere, but it will be a re-cap of the Goals from 2021 and 2022 to be set. 

Wednesday the 5th. 

So waking up and fapping until 10am mark and it was then preparing for a phone appointment for remote access on that side of thing, which I had to setup things with lubuntu but that was sorted and then after a few e-mails to sort with some work gfuel like it was getting something useful with the LPG team. This was just after having a nice small bit of cookie and a vitamin c to boot. 

The Cookie Sandwich and the vitamin c drink 

But then it was time to walk the dog and it was getting a  chance to film the video for the catchup and well, it was ok but it felt a bit rant in that side of thing, it did not feel constructed properly, like not scripted. But the that worked for a selfie in that regard, well the hat did.

Rosie in the background 

Then filming that just didn't feel right and then so it was time to go home and maybe film cooking lunch after that so no change there. This time it was get the fod done and it was a nice omelette with some 5 spice as well as the curiously cinnamon as well. 

The omelette with ritz crackers

But then it was deciding what to do and actually I have to now decided to get the bike cleaned, since it was overdue and well the time to get things arranged for next week, since visits were booked already. 

But that bike was cleaned after a nice tub of hot water in a bucket and some car shampoo, but that helped with scrubbing things down like the mud off. But then it was nearly 1 hour later and 3pm and finally time to get packed away and it was clean. 

The Back of the bike before

another look 

After the back of the bike has been cleaned 

The front was clean too 

So then it was time to get rosie out and then it was good to take a small tripod and then walk to the same spot I did come back from earlier on and this means to get it filmed, but it worked nicely, except it was the plan to see how it goes with finally saying the new year resolutions. Now Rosie was barking for the ball to be thrown so it was walking back and forth while filming, but it was nice to finally talk without holding the phone out, I know i should have brought the bigger tripod but no change on my prepwork there. 

Then it was time to go home and then 4pm passed and was getting clear sky, an very cold and it felt nice but also it was going to be soon that Dad was coming home. But it was then to just relax and check things on feabie before time to go and get some chores and it was also nice bits of battered and tgi fridays chicken for tea. Lie the battered chicken balls were meh but the other chicken was very rich and tender. 

The chicken balls, the chicken bits and the cous cous 

Then it was time to watch TV with parents, chat to my sister whom came over around 9:30 and some prison show was on but she was talking and busy working but came back from spoons. But it was also good to type this up and well tomorrow the video will probably be. 

The Resolutions:

Well now 2021 is over and ended off to a bad year and well its the chance to finally see if things do maybe work out for the future, but we do have to recap the chances to find what could work. And its time to have a final re-cap and put it to sleep for the past. 

The 2021 Resolutions: 

• Stream more -Failed, like only streamed 3 times if any  - FAIL 
• Catch up with the  accounts in work - I caught up to October and it then stopped - SUCCESS
• Be able to hug someone non work or family related - Did not happen - FAIL 
• Complete at least 2 games in a story mode  - Did not happen - FAIL 
• Do more Day out vlogs  - only 1  - FAIL 
• Schedule/plan out days more -  I sort of got some days planned and did write a list of some, I think FAIL

So that shows that and with Gaming, it was a waste of time, but especially with running a game store, sometimes the playing gets delayed in that side of things.

But now it comes to plan out the new ones. 

The 2022 Resolutions: 

• Sort out the Down there problems and prepare to be able to have sex  -This has been overdue and I think its going to be some therapy work I've got to sort out, Also i have Email a potential therapist or two
• Have branded fast food with someone outside family - This basically means a fast food date of some sort, especially as i've been seeing fast food purchases on and off the past year and makes me crave it like i dream about it, but even just sitting on the sofa could work with this too
• Tweet more -  This is going to be important to either call out bad events OR even just feel like i've accomplished something
• Try to make more videos at least 2 per month  - Since I feel like I've really been lazy in content creation and this needs to change and maybe make it work with all nighters now a decent laptop I've got just an SSD to change over and then edit, 
• Do more Day out vlogs  - Hopefully more than 1 this year to be done. Exeter is the first. 
• 
  

So that is the way we go, this should be able to find this out. and maybe its going to be new people to enjoy but there is more support and things will be able to work out. 

But Enjoy the new year and we can see how it goes. 

omracer

A Chart of the BPD in 2021 summer

 Well, this is the chance of finally getting the chance to solve the down there, but work did intervene, it does show that I don't  get the chance to get the pan to sort out a big challenge in the future, but it shows some of the way how it goes with the boners on  the actually  really hectic summer. 

The Chart: 

first I'll just embed the chart for you to have a look at it,  and see what the average is as well as the count of each day. But there are dates which give some indication which I'll sort of quickly analyse for you.

The Key points from that: 

Now this actually is a lot less than I would expect but also with a lot of stress and anxiety I've had to endure it can also make some of the sense of why its been lower, plus actually counting inc the weekends its only been 5 days which I've not been in the shop, That is a BUSY summer but it has been include the catch-up from the vaccine, the renovation and also more catching up with customer demands too. 

The first week was from the vaccine week so minus the anxiety the boners where higher than normal, but it was shown on the Thursday which was the house to myself while editing the vlog for the vaccination, and the distractions do come and go. Which explains how I got the 11 boners in that day. 

Now the 2 weeks after that, was actually lower than other weeks, this was due to working every day and even not being able to go to the toilet during that time, Okay i did drink less that time as well since for the past month, the issue with the vitamin C tablets or any strong flavored drinks is that it made my tummy feel funny, but only in the morning, in the afternoon, it did help out and I could drink it without feeling funny after, this has been only for the past 2 to 3 months I will admit.

There have been moments o feeling a bit unsure about some things when either crashing out at night or having to get up earlier for work and being unable to well fap. But as time was easing off work and getting like more time for admin and things, it was nice to feel comfortable and that well can mean a higher count. 

But as it was the last 9 days, the count was higher since it was more time to myself and well more ideas in one way or another, there were more breaks So i could look at FF and curvage and also texting with hearing of  going to restaurants and food halls I miss a fair bit. 

Alll  in all it shows how time progresses and also how actually its still about the same as 2017 which even 4 years ago was the last time I kissed a girl on the lips. Yes there was the last kiss on the cheek was May 2019 so it was not that far away from my last kiss until now, (2 years is better than i expected especially during a pandemic, but if i see things being busy, it might be 3 years away too). 

Now maybe things will perk up in future but with s fair bit of focusing coming up, it will probably be less but its been a fair bit of time and things have changed in many ways in some good and bad but especially as I was very close to finally sorting out the phmiosis in one way that did not happen but There is the plan to sort it when the time is right or worst case just having to be selfish and take it off time wise for fixing it. 

But while we are on the topic of analyzing, it should be a re-cap of the well Not new year resolutions, since the new year is now 4 months away. 

A Catch up on the Year Resolutions: 

Well, to be honest, it seems I've been pushing them aside, like time has past, lockdown have come and gone and that in itself have made it tricky to follow them inits glory or negativity. But here is the run down. 

• Stream more -Not don't ANY since Feb
• Catch up with the  accounts in work - I Thought I was doing, well, but it a fair bit off yet, 
• Be able to hug someone non work or family related - Looking like next year 
• Complete at least 2 games in a story mode  - No luck at all 
• Do more Day out vlogs  - Not yet for me either, It might be close and easier with the E-bike in all honesty, but the shop is taking intensive time out of me 
• Schedule/plan out days more -  Not working at all for the most part, there is a unpredictable side to it which makes it tough for me to catch this goal 

The Conclusion 

But there we have it, its now the last 3.9 months of the year, with events coming back in, vlogs might happen again and now firm to take that time, off, yes, at some points its the second jab to decide on but that chest pain did worry me so I will have to mention it but Home Park is too much pressure for me I thin, ,especially as it was the week of goose fair was the earliest appointment, But i will still think on it for me and maybe its better to wait for the Pharmacy to do it, But by the time it comes November, the time will be too busy with Christmas, unless a lockdown is planed which there is always the risk going to happen.

But 2 weeks to film some vlogs and a all nighters planned or 3 to catch up with online work for the money saving up since of big expenses at the end of the year and also maybe a Trip away next year too

for now, see you soon. 

omracer

 

The frosty few days of 2021 before #lockdown3

 Well, Happy New year, this is finally it, 2021 and the hope for better times ahead, well actually soon that will be lockdown but instead things feel the same as 2020. But well all we can do for now is to see how things perform, my mind has had little time to really choose the path that happens but well, its some facts to go for. 

Happy New Exhausting year 

Well we start off with a LONG time to get the music video sorted, which actually I started at 2am, there was a bit of frustration due to a lot of irritation and emotions some family members were going through, my dads being one of those times, like saying no thanks to eating fudge was a way of that frustration kicking off.  But it was a nice frosty weather outside as well as the fireworks going off, this year we didn't see the fireworks go off on the TV in London. I did have one cup of coffee since 11:30pm the year before. 

The night shot outside my house 

Now it was this part of  the night of to focus down and well it was to choose the music, well I was close to going for NWH again but instead I went for Voyager which was still from Hotline Miami 2: Wrong number. 

 

But the night went on and a good friend was chatting to me on her night off work well, only for an hour or so, which then it was crunch time, since there was a repetition of the beat every 0:07 seconds (7th of a second)  and added some bits in there as call backs to some hidden important times like the final day out before lockdown started and much later even the timing of a extra day that was never even shown on video and was a crucial moment of the summer. While this was happening, one toilet break and I saw my dad sitting on the sofa, his ears were giving him trouble again. 

It was heading into the twilight zone and this year was also with the majorly freezing cold air as well, so the focus was not as strong but the coffee was still having its effect as well, which means I was back to my 2014 state of one cup of coffee could last me 24 hours.  That I do appreciate. But the progress was still slow and eventually it was getting near the dawn and well it was only 1 minute and 20 seconds edited, which by this time I was getting a buzz which was being distracting for me but It was soon to be the alarms going off and well, that means it was nearing 7am already. I did have a few 

But by this point, I decided to get Finley up and fed since well its time for him to eat, with the clothes peg on my nose, it was one chore. After this, i did check some things and was feeling like I could not concentrate at all, I wasn't on the migraine side either. Which then it was heading to a break. 

Then it was more to concentrate on the video after greeting parents about the 10:00am mark, but more on an off work was to be done until it was eventually a 3 Bird roast for lunch. Which is a good way to start the new Year. 

The First Roast of the year. 

After that it was more crunch time and eventually 4 hours crept by and the music video was up.  Which I was really showing the exhaustion and that moment that you realise things don't sound the same as they did the 1st time it played. 

Now this was also the time to finally relax with family, since It was overdue and well there was enough work and the release of pressure that had me doing crunch time on even a blogpost that isn't working and the Microsoft spell checker even glitched it out as well did not help. But in the end it was a nice bit of 2 films on Netflix to watch then finally time to hit the sack at 11 since my body was kaput by this point. Maybe it was just me to deal with a lot and at least I had 3 days to get preparations and well even get this post up to finally start the new year which wont be on a better start but at least get things planned and sorted. 

But then it was the first day of 2021, well after the actual first day. 

The second day 

Well it was time for the catch-up, this one was more of those organising days and it was also time to have a nice walk on a new fresh bit of scenery as well. It was first to walk Rosie before the start of the organising of files and backing up the laptop after 2020 was finished. Since it makes the chance to be safer than sorry and clean up after a year done. 

The view of the town and the snow on the moors 

After that is was finally time to have some lunch which was actually some nice and spicy warm soup which is carrot and coriander, which does work with crackers as well as some warmed up roast potatoes. Which after that was then the chance to be able to relax with the parents with netflix and films while backing up the files and pictures and also chatting to friends too. 

The soup, crackers and roast potatoes for lunch 

The pets resting next to each other 

But then it was finally time to eventually have a bit of  dinner to relax with as well, making it a first fry up of 2020.  But it was one of those time to just relax and let  the time flow slowly, since this was only the second day of the year. 

The fry up for the second day

Then it was leading to the 3rd day. which actually was a bit more of the time of what was planned on the first day of 2021, the chance to visit my grandparents in their bubble and then have a meal with them to make them feel hope or involved. But we start on waking up about the 10am mark which is not bad but a nice sort of close to final lay in before working again.

 
But after that and bits of typing up and preparing on a dog walk, it was finally time to visit them and we had a nice mix of roast and beef casserole, then a tolberone cheesecake, both were nice and rich and it was nice to catch up and talk with everyone too. 

Shortly after that and relaxing while I taught my grandad how to use his new google Chromecast, we all shortly went on a trip to the river, which is a classic view point and weir quay has been a fair bit of memories of views years ago, my dad and grandad walked with us both while we took time to reflect on things. Plus I've been a while since chatting on snapchat last. 

The sign of the wildlife

The road and the estuary 

The sky was getting darker

another non shave selfie 

the boggy marsh

the darker sun

A look to the north

As then we drove through bere fereres on the way back to drop off the grandparents, it was nice to let them explore and see the outdoors since its been over 1 year since my nan left the house. But then t was nearing 4pm and me, mum and dad headed off home. Which then we got back and time to relax and more Netflix while I was typing this up, it was also giving me chance to think on some of the goals i want to achieve this year even though some I can start since I now have PS Plus back for 1 year to enjoy games on PS4 like Fall guys and worms battle royale. 

The Final day of freedom, 

Well it was going to happen but on the 4th day, which was meant to be a day of typing this up, plus the night before was a tough one with sleeping since sure there was some omegle chats. Which I was typing this up, watching some Sonic X and also there was a bit of walking Rosie and to think of the goals I wanted to achieve. But then it was a massive microwave meal, mixing a that curry with chicken tikka masala. Later when parents arrived it was the chance to have a pasty which was okay but a bit on the spicy side 

The chicken tikka masala with extra 

But as the socials were panicking and the rumours of lockdown to become true, it was also time to consider what to do, and chose how it works out, but well, it was going to be the case but it was soon time for another dog walking. 

That was in the rain and cold wind, but then it was a trip to lidl, knowing there was an announcement regarding the lockdown, but we got some bits and pieces including microwaveable bits for a Chinese fakeaway, and also the gateway for that LED strip. 

But soon it was time to get home, then my conscience was going to be overloaded, so well I decided to get a clear-out done of the shop, well the rubbish anyway. Plus some bits needed to come back for jobs and well its also the time to get organised for the financials as well. 

Which was to be a goal of mine indeed. It felt not as emosh but at the same time, it was expected to happen, Part of me I should have left it to do click and collect but after the stress last time, I get to avoid it this time at the risk of reputation, luckily unlike last time, the BBLS make it more of a comfortable position to take a bit of breather. 

A Selfie on that moment 

Closed 

After this it was finally time to have that fakeaway which was really tasty . Especially with bbq ribs and homemade crispy kale. My Mum absolutely loved it. 

The lush fakeaway, 

 But then it was more things to do, finding my lost wallet and also trying to find out where glass went which it was inside its own case. and also setup some smart home bits i bought for £39.99 which was for to control a simple led strip. By by 8pm we watched it and well, it was the case of the truth to be happening. 

And then it was to see how things go again 

The New year resolutions: 

Well, there is no doubt about it, some  of these will be tricky to have completed and also makes it slightly different on what to set due to the reality of the new challenges faced to many of us this year, but before we do, lets have a look to se if we managed to complete them. 

The 2020 resolutions

• Finish KHIII - No chance of this happening - FAILED 
• Finish most of CTR - Well the GPs and content ended in march but  - FAILED 
• Stream more - I hardly did any  - NO
• Have my 3rd kiss with someone special - Lockdown so kissing is illegal since march 2020 - NO
• Have a donuts date with at least 24 donuts involved - This has been on an off illegal since march 2020 - NO 
• Have at least 3 holidays or weekends away - Work and the pandemic so this never happened  - NO 
• Make more videos non food - This was  - SUCESS 
• Get back to YT partner - I managed it finally it, even in the last 3 weeks of the year - SUCESS 

Which as you can tell, most of the pandemic blocked a lot of the chances for goals to even happen, which that does make it tricky to make a choice of what to do this year,  but it makes it a hard choice to find out what to do with 2021.  Which for me does make this harder to do this post. 

The 2021 Resolutions: 

• Stream more - Now I have a decent feeling I can get time to this, especially with  PS Plus too. 
• Catch up with the  accounts in work - This I should have time to do with the lockdown in place.
• Be able to hug someone non work or family related - This might not happen for a long while.
• Complete at least 2 games in a story mode  - This can be a range of games that are out this year 
• Do more Day out vlogs  - This will be hard with the restrictions and lockdown but some will be fine due to the cycling is on my own and in fresh air. 
• Schedule/plan out days more -  This helps to get things a bit organised, like just task some days that i need to do X Y and Z 

And there we are, that might be the choices of this year will have their consequences and also make sure that they can make it easier for me to cope with the impulsive events of the pandemic. But for now we get to reflect on the past year once more with some quick facts of 2020. 

A quirky few facts of 2020: 

• Total Spent on just eat - £36.18 (Excluding gift cards from work) 
• Total Spent on Uber eats £0.00 (Excluding gift cards from work) 
• Total Distance Ran   - 415.3 miles
• Total Distance Cycled   - 841.8 Miles
• Current weight as of 31/12/220 - 193.9 lbs 
• New Followers on Twitter  = 42
• Tweets  = 2,549
• Blocked form others on Twitter = At least 5
• HouseParties Attended (Not real life, but the app) = 3 
• Zoom meetings attended not teaching how to use related  = 0 
• YouTube Views in 2020 = 104,138
• Subscribers from Youtube in 2020 = +140
• Trousers I've ripped  = 6 

Total Exercises

Total Distance Ran 

Total Distance Cycled 

Total Distance Walked

And there we are, well its time to have little posts again and it will be at least 2 months before a less chance of normality could occur. But its back to the 2 weeks per blogpost, which will be some fun times and also maybe some complications but this time I am better prepared. 

See you soon and stay safe 

omracer

A first few days of 2020

Well, its a shock this is evening happening but as we already start the year with a dramatic start in the world and in a personal way, nothing changes. Lets take a look at what might be happening soon and the goals for this year. There is a vlog that follows this were we get some condoms in tesco and losing the cat and cleaning the bike.

The catchup of a new year

Well we begin with the chance that I've been editing ALOT of footage late for the video. and i mean it took me 13 hours at least even after starting it at 2am since choosing music and the like. I mean now I had the Mi Camera . I could easily film what I was like when editing overnight. 

Editing in the room 

It gets to near dawn 

Light outs 

quick fap break

back to editing at 8:13

But then it was getting that sorted until 2pm or so, It was a long day but after that and the first meal of the year being a casserole, it was pretty much life back to normal.

The first meal of 2020. Beef casserole, Dijon mustard, roast potatoes, dumplings and gravy pic.twitter.com/WsQUU6PRNm

— Mattie LT Marker (@omracer) January 1, 2020

But *redacted* was doing okay and also hopefully there was a chill in the air as there hopes and dreams was going to happen. But work after was long days and home visits one after another. Eventually though its the Sunday. With my mind saying to do classic vlogs in the old way, it was interesting how it will appear for me. But with the Cat going and fighting and also bike cleaned to make sure of the Cycle journey I've yet got to offer for the Monday and Thursday. Timing was important. And files to be organised as well.

The Resolutions: 

The final check of the 2019. 

Did we managed to complete them. Lets find out.

• Finish N Sane Trilogy  - No luck, I'm gonna stream 3 and skip the relic of 2 so FAILED 
• Finish CTR Nitro Fuelled - With the amount of new tracks and modes arriving in each month, its hard to catch up so FAILED
• Finish KH3 - Well 3 worlds done but it will be a interesting time for new time to play it But FAILED
• Take at least 3 weekends away on holiday  - We managed 2 Holidays this year so PART SUCCESS
• Have a kiss and cuddle with a girl  - This felt withing arms reach but feelings were made and born so FAILED 
• Have a fast food or Buffet date with a girl - Since BANG BANG we can class as a buffet, we did a SUCCESS
• Lose my virginity - Well we partly managed to wear a condom almost a year ago but FAILED 
• Blog More - Well actually we made it to average year amount of posts but SUCCESS
• Get back to YT Partner - WE ARE SO CLOSE since 1.01k Subs now but those online 
• Feed Online Less - This went downhill SO FAST. I ended up being a sugar daddy for a month at least and ended up feeding way too much but it also brought me closer to 2 friends, one that actually met me for a good amount of time last year. but this is a FAILED. 

So with that and well this month time to recoup some of the digs from Feeding online less being a failure, we now have to set ourselves new goals. Which actually this could be the chance to make real and come true with effort, Gfuel and positive time to make for myself when needed. 

The 2020 resolutions

• Finish KHIII - Well with Remind out end of the month, new chance to try it
• Finish most of CTR - This will be hard but easier once all the GPs End
• Stream more - I think I have laptops that can help me sort this. 
• Have my 3rd kiss with someone special - This is edging close due to feelings built and a local growing chance made 
• Have a donuts date with at least 24 donuts involved - Funny fact, it was close to happening with Enfield and also it will cost me £40 for 48 donuts (or 30 for original glazed) 
• Have at least 3 holidays or weekends away
• Make more videos non food - Some tutorials and reviews being planned and filmed. 
• Get back to YT partner - This is what making more non food videos will do  this nicely. 

But for now we will see how this moth goes. Plans for Reviews and a tutorial as well.

omracer